Home

I recently got a very sweet note from my Casey where he said something about me "coming home". And that idea really struck me, the idea of home. So many things run through my mind! I have lived many places but have only truly considered the house I grew up in home. My Mom has a tendency to say that she's going home when making a trip back to Arkansas where she grew up and has a zillion relatives. My Dad does the opposite - when he's in Arkansas, San Jose is home. Is home where the heart is? Where the loved ones are? Or is home where you choose to be, not have to be? I think that my many residences were lacking the element of choice and control. I did love the last house I lived in in Aptos and miss it to this very day. That had to do with feeling like it was mine, like I had control over my environment and how things worked. But was it home? I'm not sure. Making this leap of faith into NC has the elements of creating a home: choice, people I love, a chance to define who I am and how I want to live. I think it will become home.

A few days ago, a neighbor knocked on the door at 9:30pm. He told my Dad that his daughter had seen someone jump the fence into our backyard. I was easing my way into bedtime, but when I heard that I threw on some shoes, grabbed my cell phone and went downstairs. My Dad got his handgun (which scares the crap outta me. I am afraid of guns, particularly in the hands of my 68 year old Father.) and we went into the backyard to see if anyone was lurking. Thank God no one was there. I figured that by the time the neighbor spoke to his daughter, told us and we got outside, whoever it was was long gone. I don't believe that someone would be ballsy enough to try to break into a house at 9:30 by himself with all the lights on. It was probably some kid hopping through backyards on his way somewhere - or away from somewhere. I kinda wish he or she had fallen into the pond (above are a few residents of the pond), but you can't have everything. The whole thing made me nervous about my home, my parents' property. I got over it pretty quickly, but the thought of one's home being violated, even that small amount, is disturbing. It also added to the guilt of me moving so far away from aging parents. I'm very glad that our neighbors are good people who look out for each other.

...I'll Give You Something to Cry About!

Alright. Granted, this story is full of holes. Journalism just isn't what it used to be. If you know of a more complete version of this story, please let me know. The rather sketchy version can be found here.

The basics are a woman saw another woman "beating" her nephew in the bathroom of a summer camp. Woman #1 was an employee of the "summer program" organization. Woman #2 was the aunt of the 6 year old boy who had been called because the boy was acting up ("5 write ups for bad behavior") during the summer program. Woman #1 did not approve, tried to tell those in charge what happened, and, according to her, got fired because of it. Woman #1 is white. Woman #2, the boy, and those in charge are black.

There is a lot going on here. On the surface, this seems to be a story about someone not following procedures, cultural divide and defining child abuse. If they did have performance related reasons to fire the woman, then there should be documentation to back that up if people followed procedures. However, as someone who got her share of "whuppins", I can tell you that black people historically have not been interested in the finer points of non-contact child development. We have had neither the time, energy nor education to calmly give our children time outs or a good talking to. What usually needed to happen was an immediate demonstration of who was in charge and that involved getting your ass beat. Please note that I said "ass beat". Not your head, neck or shoulders. In my mind, hitting a child in those areas is abuse. Slapping a hand, swatting a thigh or spanking a butt are acceptable consequences of repeated misbehavior in my world. Have you ever tried to reason with a 2 year old while they're running away from you into the street? Toddlers go through this phase of thinking everything is funny, including you screaming in horror for them to stop and come back. But I digress. What I'm getting at is that there is a difference between a spanking and child abuse, and if the kid doesn't respond to other kinder/gentler forms of punishment, what's left? In fact, the mother of the boy chimes in to that effect on one of the comments below the article.

One of the funny things about this is the woman who was fired was "working as a cultural program coordinator at the South Shore Cultural Center, a Chicago Park District facility." As a cultural program coordinator in Chicago, would you not be acquainted with black folk spanking their children? Did you miss the "Corporal Punishment in Different Cultures" chapter in school?

In her defense and all kidding aside, she did previously work with the International Society for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect, so she's more sensitive to it than others. God bless people who work to speak for children who aren't heard. God have mercy on those who think that abusing children is acceptable. But like so many things, interpretation is the tricky factor. One person's "discipline" in another person's "abuse".

I Don't Understand

Ya know, I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart gal. I did well in school. It may take maximum 2 explanations for me to get a concept. Names I suck at, but hey, even Superman has Kryptonite. But lately I have been perplexed about several things. Perhaps you can help me.

Why is it every time Kurt Warner gets to the Super Bowl, the team he plays for acts like they don't want him anymore? The man gets no monetary respect. However, one must take into account that he currently plays for Arizona and they are notoriously stupid when it comes to spending money.

Why is it my favorite tv shows have damn near no black people in them? "24" (bad-guy Africans don't count), "Heroes", and "Battlestar Galactica" are ones I speak of specifically. SciFi is known for their reticence to put black people in anything, even when the main character is supposed to be black in the first place. Granted I have lost track of BSG this season, but unless some brand new Cylons were discovered on Planet Ghetto, there were only 2 to start with and one killed herself. People. There were more black people on the original in 1978! It's as if they expended all their "diversity energy" getting more women and asians on the cast and just didn't have any left for the darkies. "Gee, sorry black actors. We're all out of diversity. Maybe next time."

Why do people think that simply getting a "better" quarterback will improve their team without dealing with any other deficiencies on the roster?

Why can't the Sharks beat the Red Wings in Detroit? (Well, at least during the regular season. ) What manner of shark repellent are they spraying around The Joe?

Why can't anyone make a decent tasting meal replacement shake that doesn't have dairy in it?

Who is going to watch the World Baseball Classic? Why must the World Series be played in the dead of winter?

Any ideas?

Give Up Da Funk

First I have to congratulate my godson Sam and his team for winning the California State Championships in hockey! They are the 2009 Tier II Champions! W00t w00t!! He plays for the Tri Valley Blue Devils Midget 18AA and they will be going to the Pacific Division Championships in early March. The thing I am most proud of is the fact that even though Sam isn't starting right now, he is contributing positively to his team. He's the guy in the blue & white pads on the right. Keep your head up, Sammy!!

I often lament that I can't come up with things to blog about. I am a mostly introverted person, so the idea of blurting out whatever is on my mind is kinda foreign. Not to mention that most of what has been on my mind lately has been a morass of moving details, concerns about expenses and worries about family matters. Not the most interesting subject matter, and I can get pretty depressed about it. The conundrum of how and what to pack and ship versus do I get a Uhaul and tow the car continues. Thank you to LY and Strom for their valuable input on the matter. They both have moved cross-country within the last 2 years and have good insights. It seems that the most prevalent attitude is "get rid of everything you can". I thought I was pretty cool selling all my furniture when I moved last year, but now even the stuff I have left is looking like a burden. A lot of things may be taking their chances through the postal service or Fed Ex, cause I'm pretty attached to them, but some of that stuff is breakable. Yeah, some of it is kinda dumb, like Christmas decorations and tons of books, but it's mine. Some of those books I've had since I was little, many were gifts, and some were such a wonderful surprise that I vowed to read them again, like "Little Big Man". I blame my parents for my love of books. However, the flip side of getting rid of things is having to replace them on the other side. I'm gonna buy a new TV for sure, but I can't afford to not move my cooking stuff, then completely re-equip my kitchen and replace all the furniture I sold. And believe me, I'd LOVE an excuse to do a big Sur La Table and Williams-Sonoma run! Oh the joys of my very own fish poacher.... sigh.....

Customer Service!

In this day and age, the saying "No news is good news" has become the way we live. The most effort we exert is to complain. Granted, with the current business practices of cutting costs and outsourcing, it often feels as if having a positive customer service experience is not the norm. Righteous indignation is a fabulous motivator and anger provides a jolt of energy Rockstar can't rival. I do more than my share of bitching, but I try to make a point of appreciating when things go well. Not just appreciating, but making sure I tell whoever it was what I think.

I sent emails to both MLB.com and NHL.com asking specific questions about their new combined GameCenter Live. When I move, having both baseball & hockey games from the Bay Area available to me for less $$ than the cable sports packages would be excellent! Not only did I get a response from both in under 20 hours, their responses were consistent and answered my questions clearly. No auto-response, no vague, iffy answers written by someone for whom English is a second (or third!) language. I am thrilled and will tell them so. Take some time today to actively appreciate someone or something. Help bring some balance to our increasingly negative world.

Valentine's Day?

Some thoughts on the dreaded "VD" or "Black Saturday" or "Oh-God-That-Stupid-Fabricated-Holiday-Again!" or "Dammit -What-Is-She-Expecting-From-Me Now?"

I hope this never happens to you, but for those Bitter Bettys and Bills out there, there is plenty of schadenfreude for you. When Proposals Go Bad

I love you, you love me not, you love me, I love you not... what can you say about I-Mockery.com? Not much. Self explanatory. Enjoy!

One of the best Valentine's Days I've had was when several single female co-workers and friends and I went to dinner. We decided that we deserved a good time and a nice meal, so we treated ourselves. We had a blast! I highly recommend doing what you enjoy regardless of whether you have a significant other to do it with/do it for you or not. Buy yourself flowers, have a good meal, bake your favorite cookies, go to the movies, stay in bed and read all day, whatever makes you happy. On one level it is simply self-care. On another level it is showing yourself a higher respect and love, telling yourself you are worthy and lovable. I spent plenty of years wanting to, at the very least, throw up on February 14. I wish I had treated myself a bit better. So do as I say, not as I did! Have a good 2/14/09!

Resistance is Futile

First of all, I have tried not to write anything about this sick woman in SoCal who felt the need to have 14 children. At first I was interested because it isn't every day that someone has 8 babies all at once and they all live (so far). But as the story of the mother started to emerge, I started getting really angry. This insane person - with the help of insane fertility doctors - had all these children with no realistic way of supporting them. Now she wants a reality show, interviews and endorsements for her story. Here's the story, Octopussy: you need help and I feel sorry for your children. Credit for the Octopussy label goes to a friend of my co-worker Michael. Spot on, man! I usually go with "Uterine Clown Car", myself.

Second, in keeping with the times I've been accused of being aloof or secretive, I have been sitting with the idea of leaving CA for a long time. I mentioned some of my disgust in the 1/16/09 post. I will never make enough money here to have the life I want without either more education (and that's no guarantee) or working my ass off at a job I don't want. The politics have become more and more comical. They're comical if you're waiting for that hilarious, feel-good musical about oral surgery. And being so far away from Casey grows more and more terrible all the time. So now is the time for me to declare that I will be moving to North Carolina in June. That little feat will require hard work, luck, lots of money, and the good wishes and support of friends. The decisions that have to be made around my stuff, my job and my poor beleaguered car are not going to be easy, but they need to be made sooner rather than later. Now that my back is feeling better, I can start looking at what I have in storage and figure out what I can throw out & what I can ship ahead. I don't have much more of a plan, so any input on how to move across country will be greatly appreciated (looking at you LY and Strom!). This is all new and scary to me, but it's exciting, too!