Thwart the Rise of the Darkies!

Since one of the few things that motivate people to action these days is racism (A facebook page about boycotting the Thor movie is referenced here . I'm only referring to the obvious racists on this issue. There is plenty of intelligent conversation about race & casting going on. Just not here at the moment.), and it's more clever cousin classism, perhaps we should couch important concepts in a way that speaks to these folks. The ends justify the means, right? Come on! Let's try it out!

Global warming. A serious threat to the planet's health. So much complete drivel is spoken by Republicans about this, amongst other things. You just can't make this crap up. And let's face it, if you want the dumb bastards to do anything it has to be in their self interest. So let's appeal to that selfish side, shall we? Let's say that global warming will change the climate in such a way that people without enough melanin in their skin will have a hard time surviving. Temperatures will rise and they'll all get terrible burns and skin cancer. No level of spf will prevent the damage. Bad news, right? But wait... if all the unfortunate "melanin challenged" people get taken out, who will be in charge? Who will run things? Who will make all the money? The Dark People! That's right! When the full effects of global warming occur, the darkies will reap the benefits. We will rule the earth. I think that kind of spin will get The Man's attention, don't you? The horrible gnawing panic in their guts will propel them into frenetic action! Legislation will start flying! Polar bears will suddenly become the most important animal on the planet. The US will start cranking out affordable high mileage/low emissions cars. They'll be giving solar panels away. Tree planting will be rampant. Of course some will call themselves planting those trees for life-saving shade once the warming comes. Credit to Rep. Joe Barton, R(idiculous) - Texas, for that one.

So let's brainstorm! What other things can we tart up so the less intelligent can participate in doing the right thing?