That's Enough

There's a certain level of crap being circulated that I can no longer take without saying something - even in my lame little blog way. I am desperately tired of the health care debate. It is nearly to the point where I don't care if the shit gets done or not because the vindictive ignorance of Americans deserves nothing. If we can't tell basic human compassion from fascism, well, to hell with us. This anecdote is very telling: http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/09/world-leader-to-obama-explain-why-theyre-putting-a-hitler-moustache-on-you/comments/page/5/

What is even more telling is the comment that says, "...You think you are entitled to FREE health care? NOTHING is FREE, period. Someone has to pay for this. Who do you expect to pay for your FREE health care? Get off your butt and pay for your own. And if you're in a situation where you can't, the government already provides assistance."

Let's get one thing straight - this alleged "government assistance" will NOT help you in many situations. WILL NOT. I was unemployed for approximately 2 years while in my late 30's. Certainly too old for Mommy & Daddy's insurance. Could I get Medicare? No. Could I get Medicaid? No. You know why I couldn't get those? Because I made the mistake of not having children, but owning a car. If you are a single, childless adult with something of dubious monetary value (the car was worth maybe $600 at the time), you get nothing. COBRA you say? Have you seen the price of COBRA? God bless you if you can pay rent, eat, make a car payment AND pay COBRA on 2 $300 unemployment checks a month. That's all I was getting from the state. Small wonder I spent a lot of that period of my life drinking.

I have sporadically had health care through employers since then. A lot of jobs I've taken have been subcontractor (they don't take any state of federal deductions out), so I haven't been an employee and therefore not qualified for insurance. I am not currently covered, and as a woman in her 40's, that's kinda scary, not to mention expensive, but I need this job. My upcoming Planned Parenthood checkup is going to cost me $175-195 and birth control pills are $60 a pack. I can only hope my fibroids don't come back and I don't have any serious health problems before my employer gets an insurance plan. Even then I may be plagued by the "pre-existing condition" monster and end up with very little.

Look, my ass has been saved by Santa Clara County health services more than once. I will forever be thankful to them for the services they provided when I desperately needed help. But to tell the truth, I never would have know those services were available had I not been desperate. And I am well aware that they do not have endless funding. No one does. I was lucky. Other people aren't so lucky. So why can't we care enough about our fellow man to make sure he/she can get help when it's needed? Why are services for the poor and down-on-their-luck the first things on the chopping block when government funding dwindles? Why do we make people who need help inferior/stupid/greedy? It's wrong.

Proximity Effect

I started to title this "The Tyranny of Distance", which reminds me of a Split Enz song (do you know which one?), but it was a little too harsh. Anyway...

FORMAL GREETINGS FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY!

I could easily have said "from another world", but that also would be a little too harsh. I have been in touch with many of you since I moved to Fayetteville, NC in June. I enjoy seeing y'all on Facebook and getting emails and texts. I seem to get the most texts on Sundays since football season started. Gee, I wonder why... In fact, football season really drove home how much I miss CA. I was terribly homesick the week after that first game. I sorely missed the little routine I had established for 15 or so Sundays every winter for the last 4 years. I miss the Jerseys crew and the cheesesteaks and knowing exactly where I was gonna be and what I was gonna be doing every Sunday. I know, I know, I have to make a new routine with new people, but any new people have a LOT to live up to. Besides, being in the East, I think more Eagles games will be shown in my market so I can stay home and do laundry while watching. Not to mention save money on beer.

There have been many surprises and adjustments over the last 3 months. It feels longer than 3 months, though. Maybe that's a testament to just how adaptable I am. Maybe it's because being broke and looking for a job makes time screech to a halt. (I did find a job at the end of August, by the way, and it alone is fodder for several blogs.) Two of the biggest surprises got me this past weekend. Casey and I drove to Lawrenceville, near Atlanta, to visit some of his friends. Ok. Does anyone see the weirdness in that sentence? We DROVE to ATLANTA. In 6 hours. You can drive all farking day in California and not get out of the state! Driving to a major city in another state is weird! I had trouble really grasping where we were.

We drove down Friday night and did a marathon visit day on Saturday with 1 friend in the morning and a couple in the afternoon and evening. It rained on and off on Friday and I knew Georgia was having trouble with flooding. Now, I have had moments of fear. You know, the "slamming on your brakes to avoid an accident" kind, or the "going to be late for an important appointment" kind. I have never been so scared for so long as I was in the wet weather that weekend. The rainstorm that fell on us on the way to breakfast slowed traffic to 10 mph on the freeway and I was afraid we were going to have to stop right there in the lane and wait it out. Then we had to drive through a puddle deep enough to have killed the engine. Luckily it didn't. Sunday we had breakfast with another of Casey's friends and her family, then headed to an Eagles fan hangout in Atlanta to watch the game. Great place and full of green! But afterward we had to detour all around to avoid flooded intersections. That night I was awakened several times by the loudest thunder I have ever heard. I now understand why children are afraid of thunder. Thunder in CA was never that loud nor that close. It shook the hotel! That's when I became convinced that we would not make it home in Casey's car. The hood is bent and lets water get to the power steering belt when it rains heavily. I just knew it would pour all day and I would get soaked to the bone while pushing the car off of the highway somewhere. I spent Monday morning trying not to cry or completely lose it as we got ready to check out. Turned out it was mostly clear and we got home just fine. And through it all, the entire weekend, Casey was cool as a cucumber. None of this phased him at all. I discovered how afraid I can be of weather and I can't say I like that about myself. It doesn't feel good.

Bland

President Obama is doing lots of things. Some I think are great, some not so great, and some only time will tell. One thing I'd like to get on his agenda is to return color to cars. I don't know about you, but I spend more than my share of time in traffic around the Bay Area. I consider myself fairly well versed on what the Silicon Valley crowd is driving these days. If you want to know what the latest models of luxury cars look like, cruise up and down 280 during rush hour. I see plenty of cars and can say with complete conviction that the majority of them are some variation on white, silver or beige/champagne. How stupefyingly dull and without personality! Are these the only colors they're making now? For quite a while I thought BMW only made silver cars. Once in a great while I'll see a blue or red one. Why have these horrid non-colors become so popular? Is this some indicator of the national psyche? Or has the auto industry been dictating public tastes for all these years and I never noticed before? Whatever it is, it needs to stop. It is unacceptable to be that displeasing to my eyes for so many hours every week. Perhaps a paintball gun is in order....

Real Men

Lately the concept of a "real man" has appeared on my radar quite a bit. Being a beneficiary of the 70's feminist movement but having more male friends than female, it is a question I've often wondered about, but maybe not in the way you think. I have always maintained, even through hormonal insanity and spending a small fortune on bras, that I'd rather be a woman in today's society than a man. Though complicated, women have more "acceptable" choices as to who to be than men. That's a bit of a generality, but I find it to be true.

I saw some fluff piece in a UK paper about now that there is a global recession and people are concerned about survival, the metrosexual image is going out of style because women now want a "broad-shouldered, strong provider type". This of course supposes that all women are needing or even looking for some man to protect them from the big, bad economy. I'm sure women in Canada are finding that hilarious since the majority of jobs that are being eliminated are traditionally male positions. Rentals of the old 80's movie "Mr. Mom" are sure to rise up there.

Then I saw this on Yahoo home page: What Is a Man? Well, I had to check that out! God knows Yahoo is known for their superb journalistic standards. Expecting another superficial piece of crap, I was surprised by the thoughtfulness of the list/article. Some of the stuff on there is a bit suspect in my opinion, but I think that may be simply because I'm female. (I try, but there will always be things about guys that I will never understand.) The thing that struck me most about this is the idea that a man should be thoughtful, observant and somewhat introspective. Such qualities are sorely missing from your usual sitcom, sporting event or advertising image. I also liked the slam on Mark McGuire about taking responsibility. My sentiments exactly.

And let's not leave out "The Nice Guy" concept. Poor, sweet, trying-so-hard Nice Guy who always finishes last. He's constantly the counterpoint to the womanizing asshole, but neither one of them ever appealed to me at all. I've always had a problem with Nice Guy but couldn't quite put my finger on it. This blogger, while criticizing a webcomic, does a nice job of giving voice to my nagging doubts about Nice Guy.

In 1982, Joe Jackson released the album "Night & Day". It's a wonderful album and contains the song "Real Men". I don't know Joe's sexual orientation, (he was once married, but what does that mean really?) but his examination of what being a man is about is still relevant. ("Trying to Cry" on "Laughter and Lust" is a good one, too.)

So what does this all mean? Can there be a monolithic definition of what a man or woman is outside of the biological? Is biological even a fit basis anymore? Humans have always tried to explain their world in absolutes, things that everyone can understand and act on. You would think we would be able to think in more abstract terms by now. Not unlike the way I choose to understand a higher power, I believe that men and women are whoever they want to be. Whatever best suits who you are should be what you do. If you're secure in what you're about, then go forth boldly and do your thing. Unfortunately, we just aren't there yet.

Since You've Been Gone

Does anyone remember that song? "Since you've been gone, since you've been gone, I'm outta my head, can't take it..." 70's or 80's? Who was that? Popped into my head while trying to come up with a title. Doesn't really fit because technically I'm the one who's been gone. Which is good for you because I have become the most boring person ever.

All I do these days is think about what I need to do next. I'm bored and frustrated with myself. It sucks. All day, every day it's finish revising my resume, do I have a box for that, do I want to ship that at all, should I look for a job now, I guess I need a picture for LinkedIn, I don't have any interview clothes, I think I should get a bigger storage space, will I be able to see a Sharks or Giants game before I leave, when should I decide about a moving company, how am I going to afford all this, gotta finish writing the Office Manager procedures for my replacement, gotta have more work done on the car soon, what else can I send via media mail, and on and on until I either cry or fall asleep. Poor Casey has heard nothing from me but a constantly changing laundry list of tasks. To his credit he is very understanding and tries to help, but there are some things you just have to do yourself, ya know? My job is easy compared to my personal life. Ugh. On the upside, I decided to lose some weight and that's going well. The dress that I bought for interviewing is a size smaller than my usual, and it's already fitting better. I hear you: "What kind of idiot buys a dress that's too small?" This idiot when a) it was on sale for $30 and b) I need some incentive for the weight loss. So there.

And finally a shout out to my godson Sam. His hockey team is 5th in the nation for the 18 year old bracket!!!! They made it to the national tournament in Pennsylvania, but couldn't make it past the top ranked team. I say huge congratulations to the Tri-Valley Blue Devils for getting that far!!! Don't know for sure, but I'd say this was quite a coup for a California ice hockey team. I'm proud of you guys!

Home

I recently got a very sweet note from my Casey where he said something about me "coming home". And that idea really struck me, the idea of home. So many things run through my mind! I have lived many places but have only truly considered the house I grew up in home. My Mom has a tendency to say that she's going home when making a trip back to Arkansas where she grew up and has a zillion relatives. My Dad does the opposite - when he's in Arkansas, San Jose is home. Is home where the heart is? Where the loved ones are? Or is home where you choose to be, not have to be? I think that my many residences were lacking the element of choice and control. I did love the last house I lived in in Aptos and miss it to this very day. That had to do with feeling like it was mine, like I had control over my environment and how things worked. But was it home? I'm not sure. Making this leap of faith into NC has the elements of creating a home: choice, people I love, a chance to define who I am and how I want to live. I think it will become home.

A few days ago, a neighbor knocked on the door at 9:30pm. He told my Dad that his daughter had seen someone jump the fence into our backyard. I was easing my way into bedtime, but when I heard that I threw on some shoes, grabbed my cell phone and went downstairs. My Dad got his handgun (which scares the crap outta me. I am afraid of guns, particularly in the hands of my 68 year old Father.) and we went into the backyard to see if anyone was lurking. Thank God no one was there. I figured that by the time the neighbor spoke to his daughter, told us and we got outside, whoever it was was long gone. I don't believe that someone would be ballsy enough to try to break into a house at 9:30 by himself with all the lights on. It was probably some kid hopping through backyards on his way somewhere - or away from somewhere. I kinda wish he or she had fallen into the pond (above are a few residents of the pond), but you can't have everything. The whole thing made me nervous about my home, my parents' property. I got over it pretty quickly, but the thought of one's home being violated, even that small amount, is disturbing. It also added to the guilt of me moving so far away from aging parents. I'm very glad that our neighbors are good people who look out for each other.

...I'll Give You Something to Cry About!

Alright. Granted, this story is full of holes. Journalism just isn't what it used to be. If you know of a more complete version of this story, please let me know. The rather sketchy version can be found here.

The basics are a woman saw another woman "beating" her nephew in the bathroom of a summer camp. Woman #1 was an employee of the "summer program" organization. Woman #2 was the aunt of the 6 year old boy who had been called because the boy was acting up ("5 write ups for bad behavior") during the summer program. Woman #1 did not approve, tried to tell those in charge what happened, and, according to her, got fired because of it. Woman #1 is white. Woman #2, the boy, and those in charge are black.

There is a lot going on here. On the surface, this seems to be a story about someone not following procedures, cultural divide and defining child abuse. If they did have performance related reasons to fire the woman, then there should be documentation to back that up if people followed procedures. However, as someone who got her share of "whuppins", I can tell you that black people historically have not been interested in the finer points of non-contact child development. We have had neither the time, energy nor education to calmly give our children time outs or a good talking to. What usually needed to happen was an immediate demonstration of who was in charge and that involved getting your ass beat. Please note that I said "ass beat". Not your head, neck or shoulders. In my mind, hitting a child in those areas is abuse. Slapping a hand, swatting a thigh or spanking a butt are acceptable consequences of repeated misbehavior in my world. Have you ever tried to reason with a 2 year old while they're running away from you into the street? Toddlers go through this phase of thinking everything is funny, including you screaming in horror for them to stop and come back. But I digress. What I'm getting at is that there is a difference between a spanking and child abuse, and if the kid doesn't respond to other kinder/gentler forms of punishment, what's left? In fact, the mother of the boy chimes in to that effect on one of the comments below the article.

One of the funny things about this is the woman who was fired was "working as a cultural program coordinator at the South Shore Cultural Center, a Chicago Park District facility." As a cultural program coordinator in Chicago, would you not be acquainted with black folk spanking their children? Did you miss the "Corporal Punishment in Different Cultures" chapter in school?

In her defense and all kidding aside, she did previously work with the International Society for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect, so she's more sensitive to it than others. God bless people who work to speak for children who aren't heard. God have mercy on those who think that abusing children is acceptable. But like so many things, interpretation is the tricky factor. One person's "discipline" in another person's "abuse".

I Don't Understand

Ya know, I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart gal. I did well in school. It may take maximum 2 explanations for me to get a concept. Names I suck at, but hey, even Superman has Kryptonite. But lately I have been perplexed about several things. Perhaps you can help me.

Why is it every time Kurt Warner gets to the Super Bowl, the team he plays for acts like they don't want him anymore? The man gets no monetary respect. However, one must take into account that he currently plays for Arizona and they are notoriously stupid when it comes to spending money.

Why is it my favorite tv shows have damn near no black people in them? "24" (bad-guy Africans don't count), "Heroes", and "Battlestar Galactica" are ones I speak of specifically. SciFi is known for their reticence to put black people in anything, even when the main character is supposed to be black in the first place. Granted I have lost track of BSG this season, but unless some brand new Cylons were discovered on Planet Ghetto, there were only 2 to start with and one killed herself. People. There were more black people on the original in 1978! It's as if they expended all their "diversity energy" getting more women and asians on the cast and just didn't have any left for the darkies. "Gee, sorry black actors. We're all out of diversity. Maybe next time."

Why do people think that simply getting a "better" quarterback will improve their team without dealing with any other deficiencies on the roster?

Why can't the Sharks beat the Red Wings in Detroit? (Well, at least during the regular season. ) What manner of shark repellent are they spraying around The Joe?

Why can't anyone make a decent tasting meal replacement shake that doesn't have dairy in it?

Who is going to watch the World Baseball Classic? Why must the World Series be played in the dead of winter?

Any ideas?

Give Up Da Funk

First I have to congratulate my godson Sam and his team for winning the California State Championships in hockey! They are the 2009 Tier II Champions! W00t w00t!! He plays for the Tri Valley Blue Devils Midget 18AA and they will be going to the Pacific Division Championships in early March. The thing I am most proud of is the fact that even though Sam isn't starting right now, he is contributing positively to his team. He's the guy in the blue & white pads on the right. Keep your head up, Sammy!!

I often lament that I can't come up with things to blog about. I am a mostly introverted person, so the idea of blurting out whatever is on my mind is kinda foreign. Not to mention that most of what has been on my mind lately has been a morass of moving details, concerns about expenses and worries about family matters. Not the most interesting subject matter, and I can get pretty depressed about it. The conundrum of how and what to pack and ship versus do I get a Uhaul and tow the car continues. Thank you to LY and Strom for their valuable input on the matter. They both have moved cross-country within the last 2 years and have good insights. It seems that the most prevalent attitude is "get rid of everything you can". I thought I was pretty cool selling all my furniture when I moved last year, but now even the stuff I have left is looking like a burden. A lot of things may be taking their chances through the postal service or Fed Ex, cause I'm pretty attached to them, but some of that stuff is breakable. Yeah, some of it is kinda dumb, like Christmas decorations and tons of books, but it's mine. Some of those books I've had since I was little, many were gifts, and some were such a wonderful surprise that I vowed to read them again, like "Little Big Man". I blame my parents for my love of books. However, the flip side of getting rid of things is having to replace them on the other side. I'm gonna buy a new TV for sure, but I can't afford to not move my cooking stuff, then completely re-equip my kitchen and replace all the furniture I sold. And believe me, I'd LOVE an excuse to do a big Sur La Table and Williams-Sonoma run! Oh the joys of my very own fish poacher.... sigh.....

Customer Service!

In this day and age, the saying "No news is good news" has become the way we live. The most effort we exert is to complain. Granted, with the current business practices of cutting costs and outsourcing, it often feels as if having a positive customer service experience is not the norm. Righteous indignation is a fabulous motivator and anger provides a jolt of energy Rockstar can't rival. I do more than my share of bitching, but I try to make a point of appreciating when things go well. Not just appreciating, but making sure I tell whoever it was what I think.

I sent emails to both MLB.com and NHL.com asking specific questions about their new combined GameCenter Live. When I move, having both baseball & hockey games from the Bay Area available to me for less $$ than the cable sports packages would be excellent! Not only did I get a response from both in under 20 hours, their responses were consistent and answered my questions clearly. No auto-response, no vague, iffy answers written by someone for whom English is a second (or third!) language. I am thrilled and will tell them so. Take some time today to actively appreciate someone or something. Help bring some balance to our increasingly negative world.

Valentine's Day?

Some thoughts on the dreaded "VD" or "Black Saturday" or "Oh-God-That-Stupid-Fabricated-Holiday-Again!" or "Dammit -What-Is-She-Expecting-From-Me Now?"

I hope this never happens to you, but for those Bitter Bettys and Bills out there, there is plenty of schadenfreude for you. When Proposals Go Bad

I love you, you love me not, you love me, I love you not... what can you say about I-Mockery.com? Not much. Self explanatory. Enjoy!

One of the best Valentine's Days I've had was when several single female co-workers and friends and I went to dinner. We decided that we deserved a good time and a nice meal, so we treated ourselves. We had a blast! I highly recommend doing what you enjoy regardless of whether you have a significant other to do it with/do it for you or not. Buy yourself flowers, have a good meal, bake your favorite cookies, go to the movies, stay in bed and read all day, whatever makes you happy. On one level it is simply self-care. On another level it is showing yourself a higher respect and love, telling yourself you are worthy and lovable. I spent plenty of years wanting to, at the very least, throw up on February 14. I wish I had treated myself a bit better. So do as I say, not as I did! Have a good 2/14/09!

Resistance is Futile

First of all, I have tried not to write anything about this sick woman in SoCal who felt the need to have 14 children. At first I was interested because it isn't every day that someone has 8 babies all at once and they all live (so far). But as the story of the mother started to emerge, I started getting really angry. This insane person - with the help of insane fertility doctors - had all these children with no realistic way of supporting them. Now she wants a reality show, interviews and endorsements for her story. Here's the story, Octopussy: you need help and I feel sorry for your children. Credit for the Octopussy label goes to a friend of my co-worker Michael. Spot on, man! I usually go with "Uterine Clown Car", myself.

Second, in keeping with the times I've been accused of being aloof or secretive, I have been sitting with the idea of leaving CA for a long time. I mentioned some of my disgust in the 1/16/09 post. I will never make enough money here to have the life I want without either more education (and that's no guarantee) or working my ass off at a job I don't want. The politics have become more and more comical. They're comical if you're waiting for that hilarious, feel-good musical about oral surgery. And being so far away from Casey grows more and more terrible all the time. So now is the time for me to declare that I will be moving to North Carolina in June. That little feat will require hard work, luck, lots of money, and the good wishes and support of friends. The decisions that have to be made around my stuff, my job and my poor beleaguered car are not going to be easy, but they need to be made sooner rather than later. Now that my back is feeling better, I can start looking at what I have in storage and figure out what I can throw out & what I can ship ahead. I don't have much more of a plan, so any input on how to move across country will be greatly appreciated (looking at you LY and Strom!). This is all new and scary to me, but it's exciting, too!

Sick and Tired

Ever hear the saying "sick and tired of being sick and tired"? I have used it and lived it more than once, that's for sure. Winter blues? End of football season? Post holidays letdown? Staring down the barrel of a 2 zillion game baseball season? (I dig baseball, but damn that's a long season!)I can't speak for the rest of y'all, but I've always gotten down during the winter. "Seasonal Affective Disorder" or SAD they call it. If I lived in Seattle, this blog would be posthumous. Couldn't stand it.

The Super Bowl was a very entertaining end to the the football season. The first half was a bit wonky, but the second half was great. (Don't ask me to comment on The Boss' halftime show cause I never "got" Springsteen anyway. I figure I'm not the demographic for his stuff.) I think the refs were a little too involved in the game overall and certainly a factor in the final play. I think the Cards last play was an incomplete pass and they should have gotten one more play. Please believe that I had no rooting interest (see my last post) except for a good game, and it was that. Thanks to Ree & John for their hospitality before and during the game! Sorry about the onions in the Artichoke Dip, Ree...

Would you pass the bong to a guy with the lung capacity of an Olympic swimmer? I think not. But on a serious note, dude was arrested for dui a few years ago. Get your head on straight, youngster. The whole world is looking when you make a mistake.

I found it profoundly strange to hear the POTUS saying something I thought myself: corporate executives giving themselves huge bonuses - particularly the ones whose companies have failed - is shameful. I would have taken it a step further and had them rounded up for public humiliation, but that's just me. I can't think of a time I both a) listened to what the President had to say and b) completely agreed. Maybe it happened during the Clinton years, but I can't think of one off hand. It was surreal to think that my beliefs were being represented by the highest office in the country. Talk about a history of feeling disenfranchised. That word does not only apply to the poor and uneducated folks. Believe me.

For Your XLIII Enjoyment

I may have mentioned it before, but there is a blog I visit regularly for laughs and fondant - Cake Wrecks. As someone who has a dear friend who was a pastry chef and who took some cake decorating classes once upon a time, the things these people find are hilarious. The Super Bowl edition can be found here.

As an Eagles fan, my rooting interest this Sunday is for an act of God. If both teams could lose, that would be great. Since that isn't a realistic option, I'll take the Steelers just because. I hope it's an interesting game so I don't snack constantly and end up with a stomach ache.

Just in case some of you are not acquainted with the annual United States ritual of Super Bowl watching, the Boston Globe has kindly provided some etiquette tips for you here. On one hand, the article is stupid, meaning common sense would bring you to these conclusions. On the other hand, some people are even more stupid and need someone to tell them what acceptable social behavior is. On the third hand, we are talking about sports fans here. Overly enthusiastic, often drunk, expletive spewing, not the sharpest bunch sometimes... myself included.

The over/under on the National Anthem is 2 minutes. Look people, - and I say this as a singer - the National Anthem is not fucking American Idol. We do not want to hear you wring every note dry while trying to prove how wonderful you are. People paid to see the game, not your dumb warbling ass. So sing the song and let the game start. I know it's a very hard song to sing, written by a sadist if you ask me, so congratulations on your coup. But for Pete's sake, get your ego out of the way and do your job. Oy. Is that too much to ask?

Racism, Part 2

I'm fighting a small headcold today, so I'm not gonna make this long. I did want to get this out and contribute to the cause in some small way.

I watch anime and have seen "Avatar: The Last Airbender" a couple times and enjoyed it. It seemed to be well written and fun, so it's easy for me to want to raise awareness of a common idiotic tendency in Hollywood using it as an example. There is a movie being made of the "Avatar" series and the main characters, Asian characters, are being voiced by whites. Minorities in general are marginalized or ignored by Hollywood as a matter of course. I can't stand to look at David Carridine after I heard how "Kung Fu" got stolen from Bruce Lee. Ian and I almost got thrown out of "Prince of Egypt" for loudly heckling the anglo facial features and English accents of some of the characters. I appreciate Hattie McDaniel's portrayal of Mammy in "Gone With the Wind" and that she won an Oscar for it, but it is still hard to watch at times. A lot has changed over the years, it is true, but Black people will often be found complaining loudly at real or perceived slights to our identity. I have not heard Asian Americans making the same ruckus. If you'd like to read more about this and/or get involved, please click here. The post is long, but very good. I'm not a visual artist, but I'm going to send a letter, too. Couldn't hurt, might help.

Cold & Rainy Sunday Boredom

Perhaps boredom loves company, or maybe I just wanna be that annoying friend with pictures from their vacation to show you. You be the judge. There are only a few, so don't get all freaked out...

Casey & I went to Phoenix and parts thereabout over the New Years holiday. We rented a car after a couple days of struggling to get around. I managed to get a speeding ticket. Imagine that... Tracy speeding... We saw Styx on New Years Eve, drove up to Sedona & Flagstaff (where it was snowing), went to some artists' open studios, and toured Frank Lloyd Wright's Taliesin West. A really good trip! The pics of Taliesin West are forthcoming due to technical difficulties.

Since I'm a Frank Lloyd Wright fan, we went to the Arizona Biltmore, which he consulted on. Fell in love with one of the fountains.Outside an exquisite little church jutting out of the red rock in Sedona, Casey spied this shot.

And the snow between Sedona and Flagstaff! The shot of me is "Subject Questioning the Eye of the Artiste".

Blurbs

You hear those stories about people who persevere through daily, nagging pain. People whose physical problems "don't slow them down!". I am not one of those people. I may be determined, headstrong or downright stubborn, but when I'm in pain and I can't do what I want to do, I am one grouchy mofo. I have been alternately treating and trying to ignore a pulled muscle in my hip for about a week and the fucker is getting the better of me. Now I'm just mad. Mad at my body not healing more quickly. Mad that I have to spend money getting it treated. Mad that I have to go get the ice pack now - and will be every hour or so for the rest of the day. Somebody bring the big baby some ice cream...

I got this link from my Dad. My parents' alma mater, University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff (formerly known as Arkansas AM&N) represented at the inaugural parade! Don't know how they got the invitation but I'm feeling the pride, too. If you don't like marching bands, don't click here. I think they sound really good! And I'm pretty brutal when it comes to recording/amplification of marching bands. It usually sucks.

Nicely Put

There are many things to be said about the inauguration and our new President. I don' t think I could say my observations and thoughts if I tried. A few snippets:

I am very proud of the 1.4 million people who made the effort to be in D.C. They got up hellaciously early, stood in the 20-some-odd degree weather for hours and dispursed without a single arrest. Well done.

I thought the benediction was great. A little long, but just fine. For those of us who grew up with long winded black preachers, it felt like home. I particularly enjoyed the unabashedly 60's vibe in the part about different colors of people. I'm all for a bit of humor, especially if it makes a point.

Another reminder of black churches: Aretha's hat. Seems that there was some talk about that hat and how it competed for attention with her singing. Well, I wasn't watching her sing, I was listening. When Aretha sings, you listen. And as far as big hats go, that was downright restrained compared to many I saw while going to church. Black women be wearin' hats...

The President's speech (so fun to not have to say President Elect!!) had the right tone even though a lot of us were looking for the next big quotable oratory a la JFK. What I took from it was it's time for some tough decision making and for people to pull together for the common good. It will not be a quick process, but we will remake America's image into something we can all be proud of. I'm in.

I get a little daily sports digest from Len Berman (less irritating brother of Chris). It is fairly entertaining and free, so what the heck. This is an excerpt from this morning's email. I think it is nicely put:

"Sad to see how frail Muhammad Ali looked as he took his seat at the inauguration. And ironic. He was a "hero" to black Americans much like Magic Johnson who was also there yesterday. Names like Joe Louis, and Jackie Robinson quickly come to mind. How many sports stars had to assume the role of "hero" over the years? Yesterday, the torch was finally passed to a President."

Anatomy of a Playoff Loss

1. Outcoached in the first half.
2. Dropped passes, mostly in the first half.
3. Bad tackling.
4. Hideous, appalling, inept officiating. The "Jordan Rules" of football.*
   

That is how your football team loses the NFC Championship game. I don't usually root against the team that beat mine in the playoffs. It seemed to me that if they did get beat in the next round, that meant that they weren't very good and my team was that much worse. But there is something about this Arizona Cardinals team that I just can't stomach. Having been in Phoenix for a week over New Years, I can tell you that that is not a football town. I got no real football fan vibe there. In fact, the place reminded me of San Francisco in the Eighties: a city full of bandwagon jumpers. May the Cardinals die a painful death in two weeks.

I am angry.

I may vomit.

Why do I love football so much?

Shit.

*ESPN The Magazine had an interesting article on home field advantage in the 1/12/09 issue.

California Dreamin'

As some of you know, I have been falling out of love with the state of California over the past 5 years or so. Do not get me wrong. I know I am I product of this state: cold weather wimp, food snob, beach comber, etc. I know that when I leave, I will become homesick at some point. However, the politics and overall economy of The Golden State have become nothing short of nauseating. Let's have an example, shall we?

California May Delay Tax Refunds

SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch) -- Facing a severe cash crunch, California may delay sending out tax refunds, aid to needy residents, money for some state services and payments to businesses, the state's controller said Friday.

State controller John Chiang said in a press release that expected cash shortages in February "will force him to delay some critical payments next month," including money owed to businesses for services provided to the state, rent and food aid for older and disabled Californians. Money for certain state services and tax refunds for 2008 taxes will also be affected.

Payments for education and debt service have first claim on the state's general fund under the state constitution, federal law and court rulings. If state lawmakers don't address the budget situation, failing to delay certain other payments will put the state $346 million in the red in February and $5.2 billion in the red by April, the controller said.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger on Thursday called on state lawmakers to close the state's steep budget deficit, expected to hit $42 billion over the next 18 months.

If you'd like to read more on this, here you go. I'm not going to pretend that there is some other state that is perfect, but this shit is pretty sad.

Racism, Part 1

The adolescent in me is being challenged yet again. In the sad and confusing case of the death of Oscar Grant in Oakland, CA, I have many conflicting thoughts and feelings. If you haven't heard about this, here are the basics: 22 year old black man is shot in the back and killed (while face down on the ground) by a white security officer in a Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) station. This was on New Year's day, I believe.

So.

Oakland being mostly african american, the cry of racism was quick and violent. There have been protests. There has been vandalism. There is outrage. There is hyberbole. I understand all of that. Story after story of police brutality, excessive force, and inexplicable shootings with few to no consequences make minorities a little jumpy, particularly black folk. Our history in the country has been less than a vacation with umbrella drinks. So when there's yet another report - complete with witness videos - that indicate a black man has been killed by an authority figure for no apparent reason, things get extremely bad extremely fast.

My personal experiences with overt racism have been few and never involved police. (There are many reasons for that and if you want to know them, I'd be happy to tell you about that some other time.) But just because I haven't been pulled over for driving while black doesn't mean I'm not sick and angry when it appears someone has been harmed because of how they look. And were I of a different temperment, I'd go break some shit in anticipation of the security officer getting a stern talking to as his punishment for taking an unarmed man's life. Why should I expect any different outcome? I remember the Rodney King incident quite well. I stayed home watching the news and crying the day those officers were found not guilty and Los Angeles burned. Now Rodney King is a punchline.

In relation to my lack of personal experience with The Man, I am still surprised at people's lack of compassion for the realities of being a minority. In fact, I have trouble believing that it's merely lack of compassion anymore. It's fear. If those who have prospered from the status quo are forced to look at how that system is built, they will see how blind they have chosen to be and how precarious their position is. They will also have to wonder who will come to their defense when injustice comes calling. That's a scary place to live from. That kind of uncertainty no one wants to sign up for willingly.

Phoenix Airport, 7:45am

A week's vacation and lack of sleep can turn any place into Bizarro World, but there is something special about airports. When I worked at Fisherman's Wharf in SF, I told people that if they wanted to see a cross-section of the world, just hang around there for a while. I still believe that's true, but airports take it to a new level - low or high, take your pick.

First, while sipping my coffee and not having it effect my weariness in the least, I noticed that there was something about the people in this terminal that was particularly offensive. I just figured there were too many chipper humans running around under the bright lights, but on closer inspection I discovered that my aversion was caused by that sickly rust-orange of Texas fan apparel. (When did they stop wearing that almost neon orange? At least it was an honest color. It seared your eye sockets and that was it.) Longhorn Fan was everywhere! I'm half surprised they weren't whoopin' and hollerin' over their win yesterday. Musta been all whooped out by a quarter to eight in the morning. Their incredibly bland whiteness, accented with cartoonish accents and big-hair dye jobs, made me sad that I had eaten breakfast. Had my stomach been empty, it may not have been so bad.

Their sheer numbers reminded me of the sports bar we went to on Sunday to watch the Eagles/Vikings game. Upper Deck Sports Grill in Scottsdale was a sea of green! I love my Jerseys folks, but it was nice to be in an entire bar that's full of Philly fans. I think there were about 60 fans there, maybe more. The bar was 2 stories, had a ton of screens, played Philly themed music pre-game and during commercials (even busted out "Green Acres" after "2" kicked that last field goal), and played a recording of the fight song after TDs. The people were friendly, the waitress was great considering the crowd, and the food was very good. I have to give Upper Deck props. And I have no idea why Philly is still in the playoffs. Just don't know... ya got me...

Saw something you don't see every day: a little girl, maybe 6 years old, trailing her mother thru the airport, clutching her obviously beloved doll - white girl, black doll. She probably thought something was wrong with me (and there generally is) the way I kept looking at the doll, trying to come to a conclusion as to its ethnicity. I just don't think I've ever seen that. Right on, little girl!